Tell her she can't have a vagina
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
