4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
