I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize