Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
