***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
