Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
