Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
