so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
