hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
