nut hugger
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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