is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize