This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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