Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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