My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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