I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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