alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
