My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
