I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
