i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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