We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
