Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
