ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
