Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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