He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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