never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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