soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
His nipple licking is glorious
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