I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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