I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
