i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
