I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
