it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
