I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
