I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I faked an abortion last night.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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