so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
