Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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