is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
