I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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