remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
