Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
