Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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