I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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