There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
