So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Alive.
So much puke
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
