drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
