I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
