so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
