thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
