i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize