so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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