went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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