The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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