i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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