In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
