I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i dont even know how to be here
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
