I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
