Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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