I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I cut my penus on the lid.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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