Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
