I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
